I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
