Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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