I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
