At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize