my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
