capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
