I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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