omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
