just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
