yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
