I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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