And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
