My room smells like vodka and shame
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
