were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
