I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
