Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
