If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
he's gonorrhea incarnate
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
