So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
