Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
