you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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