so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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