Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
