birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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