Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize