I'm going to jail i love you
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
