whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
