I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
