Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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