Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
