I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
