We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
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The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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