Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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