I'm jealous of your bromance
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
