Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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