That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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