i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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