He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
