Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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