I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
