Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
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As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
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my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
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