I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
How external is "for external use only"?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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