I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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