Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
