doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I need to sanitize my soul.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
