Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
