you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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