my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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