the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
