I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
