True but thats because hes a fetus.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Randomize
