I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
