She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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