Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
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Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
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So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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