Where is the hickey?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Randomize
