i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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