I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
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I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
This is the high leading the old right now
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I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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