If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
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6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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