Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
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