Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
