Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
