DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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