Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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