NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
