Me. At least after what I've been through.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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