I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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