3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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