The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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