Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
